ذهن (Zehn)

   From starting the year being clueless yet super excited about the role that was I given, to spending the second half of the year on an unsuccessful job hunt. From making completely new connections to slowly cutting them off from my life; each teaching me about my energy, and raising my self worth, to acing the anxiety game so shockingly amazing, I am content I crossed that bridge all by myself. From sunstrokes to a hamstring tear and of course, no weight gain. From grieving  for someone very dear to celebrating wedding unions of friends, I think I did pretty good.  I felt like documenting my songs of the month for the whole year. Want to try and see if I can sum up the year with all the tracks Jan was the month of my role kicking off the most unexpected role I'd have ever imagined myself doing. Unakull naane was a perfect start to year, her voice swaying with the almost-winter end breeze. Feb & March had 12-18hour shifts with hardly any privacy or time for music. But

I had started the 'Letters to Heaven' segment for the most obvious reason - A journal for unsaid conversations with Chotte. I had not realized that at some point there would be more people from my life going there. Hereon, I shall keep this section for conversations with all the departed. Somehow, it's easier to talk to these souls; maybe because you know for sure that they are listening and you won't be judged.   ------ Dear Uncle,  In the short span that your daughter and I bonded, I never got to meet you. So in a way, you do not know me. But if you were around every time Deepa and I spoke of you, especially that lunch when she spoke her heart out of how badly she wanted you to be there for her wedding, and me saying it out loud that grief is love. If you were around us that afternoon, you would have seen me. This letter is an account of your daughter's big day, to share with you what you may have missed.  I wanted to write this to you right after the wedding but

Dear Chotte,   Apologies for the absence all these years. We are in a pandemic. Yes, the entire world, due to a freaking virus.  How crazy does that sound? It has been over a year now, and most of India (and the rest of the world) has been locked down since 2020 - No dinners, no games, no movement; every single person indoors. But you know all this, don’t you? I let you down, Chotte; a lot. I am definitely not the person you once knew me or ever wanted me to be. But so did you.  They say all alive and dead are a part of this one cosmos. Where and why have you been hiding then?   Is it because I have been out of fuel in my love tank and been filling myself with hate? (Something I mindlessly have managed to do for a while now).  ------ Anyways, it’s a happy day for you, happy-happy things here. You must have met Ammamma by now, na?  ऐश करो दोनों| I stopped Sanskashti too, by the way. The old me would have called this a sign/coincidence but no, not anymore. As fate would have

I am writing after 5 full years. That counts for something, doesn’t it? Or let’s just say I am slowly trying to not scrape off what I write.   ----------- What would we do without movies amazing movies, especially during a pandemic? The world has by now processed, adjusted to, and accepted the dynamics of a pandemic. What was once part of a history textbook with the visuals left to the imagination, is now our reality. But aren’t we the luckiest of the lot, yet again? To have access to the internet, music and time? - ---------- Given the current circumstances, when everyone with a screen is craving for something/anything to beat their blues, while already having spent hours searching for something to kill time, a few brave passionate minds have managed to create some good cinema.      Mandela (Tamil) is one such piece. This is not a movie review. More like an appreciation post for all those struggling artists who do not give up. Especially every hand and mind that wor

For a non-artist like me, who sometimes feels too deeply, it is hard to find the right movie/play, given any mood/day. And with my lost hopes in Bollywood, I have gladly stopped giving it the undeserved attention. But art, must never go unnoticed. So must this movie. Bioscopewala and likewise. This post is small attempt at sharing what I felt, thereby hoping some of you watch it. While movies/art have always been considered as a medium to express one's voice against change or purely just expressing oneself, it is us audience who divided cinema into commercial and art, thus feeding the morons.  ------ I love it when some movies hit me and fill the heart. Unlike movies that are quite heavy on the emotions and try to make some sort of a deep impact, for me Bioscopewala was a dream - A simple, long dream that kept me smiling all throughout. Of a childhood so bright, running through streets, listening to stories; which is so normal. Although fiction, I could easily sleep to the smi

What does it mean when a colleague takes your resignation as a ‘divorce’?  My journey at Slyds ends today. And I know it will be another happy day; just the last.   -- I am not quite sure where the role of Communications + Client Servicing + Project Manager in a Presentation Studio will take me in my professional line, but it has been a joy ride at Slyds. As always, I started from scratch. From someone who knew absolutely nothing about graphic design, let alone Powerpoint, I got on to not just understanding the need of a strong presentation, but becoming stubborn enough to deliver with no compromise. I believe, you really cannot sell anything unless you are genuinely passionate about it. For someone with no design sense at all, through time, I became proud to have my name along with the brains behind every project that I was associated with. I might have just crossed the line and taken someone else’s dream as my duty, but that’s what happens when you enjoy what you do. An