Letters to Heaven #7

I had started the 'Letters to Heaven' segment for the most obvious reason - A journal for unsaid conversations with Chotte. I had not realized that at some point there would be more people from my life going there. Hereon, I shall keep this section for conversations with all the departed. Somehow, it's easier to talk to these souls; maybe because you know for sure that they are listening and you won't be judged. 

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Dear Uncle, 

In the short span that your daughter and I bonded, I never got to meet you. So in a way, you do not know me. But if you were around every time Deepa and I spoke of you, especially that lunch when she spoke her heart out of how badly she wanted you to be there for her wedding, and me saying it out loud that grief is love. If you were around us that afternoon, you would have seen me.

This letter is an account of your daughter's big day, to share with you what you may have missed. I wanted to write this to you right after the wedding but I have been away and disconnected from things myself. Don't mind the delay =)

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She did it, Uncle. Your strong daughter whom you are so proud of, will soon be starting the longest phase of her life in a land I know she will slowly love. You worry not, Uncle, she has a very loving and supportive husband beside her. You did great, she did amazing, and Aunty was a champ. 

2 days before the wedding, we girls and the women in the family who love Deepa, came over to Sai Vandana Marvel to kickstart the wedding festivities. Of course, chaos & noise are guaranteed at any wedding home, but this was only fun. Oh! Uncle, we had a ball. We rolled over the floors laughing our hearts out, dancing like nutheads, making so much noise we could barely hear each other. Maybe it had to do with all that female energy in the house, or maybe I just see Deepa differently, that Friday was wholesome. 

She looked like how every other bride would look two days before her wedding - cute, confused, all smiles, a blush every once in a while when she first came in the white saree for her Haldi,  Damn cute, Uncle. We were all gathered to celebrate her, and in a matter of few mins we all bonded so well, we forgot we weren't family. And Pattu was the obvious showstopper. Post lunch, most of them went back and mostly the unmarried ones stayed back. We sat in your room, throwing one joke after another, laughing like mental 20-yr-olds, bantering like any 30-year-old. I'm sure we also gave the mehendi artist free entertainment. It finally felt like shaadi-ka-ghar. In the midst of all that mayhem, Aunty would shower us with non-stop cups of tea. She is simply the best, Uncle. 

But on Sept 3rd, Deepa looked perfect. She really was ready, Uncle. We all know she wanted you to be there, I know she may have envisioned it so differently. But, like they say, all in good time. It really was the right time. One could easily find traces of strength, grace, and beauty in how she carried herself.  It took her about 2 hours to get ready (no clue how those minutes just sped) and I myself was panicking. We knew what needed to be done but we were still hustling one errand after another.  Hell, I had less than 10 mins to get dressed! But it all came around, Uncle. 

I had to head back to the room for something so I could not accompany her in the first ritual. As I saw her from at the entrance, I had my moment, Uncle. She looked part queen part daughter;  it was beautiful, Uncle. No doubt she looked stunning. But watching her stand beside Aunty and Akka filled my heart. I knew in that moment that everything would change for her (definitely for me), that the Universe answered my prayers(as well as hers and Aunty's), and that it was time - For her to surrender, and for me to let go, to step aside. It had taken me a really long time to process this with both my sisters. And It hurt just like that last two times, only this one hurt differently because I knew that meeting her in person would probably last not more than 2 hours, ever.  At any other time, I would have yearned for her to come back. But, we want her to fly and watch her where life takes her, yes?  

The wedding ceremony finished in a jiffy and I barely got to see all of it clearly. Nevertheless, it all felt so wholesome. 

I felt it the next morning itself, on that Monday morning that nothing would be the same anymore. Something about your instinct they say, when you love someone deeply you feel deeply too. Some could say I am overthinking, or I'm being stupid. Or maybe it has got a lot to do with the fact that I myself live far, that even if I wanted to I would not be able to meet her. I took a really long walk and let it all out. So much about Deepa reminds me of all my failures (in a good way), Uncle - The perfect daughter any parent could ask for, a supportive darling of a friend, my best-est ever party partner/date, the absolute perfect feminine energy every woman needs. Yes, she can be stubborn at times, but hey, you can let that pass when you love someone, no?

I keep telling myself that maybe it would not hurt this much had I not loved her this deeply. There were so many instances, moments where we'd be our absolute mental selves and I'd have my 5-second moment with her - playing music for her en route to our girl's night, watching her succeed at work, our gossip, or just seeing her happy.  Every friend has only one prayer for their friend, apart from them being happy - that someone must love them as much as you do. It was just fantastic watching Aunty and Deepa smile teeth-to-teeth. 

I know I'll be called stupid to have written a letter to someone who is not around to read it. But you are. You always will be.

Here's wishing the best of the best for my Deepa dearest. May love lead the way for her. 

Love,

Viji